Turning away from growth
When considering a new project, I weigh up what it will give versus what it will take away from something else. My biggest consideration is whether it will make me less present for my family, and then, whether it will increase my stress for a prolonged period.
Sometimes, after looking at all sides, the answer is yes to both of the above, and I do it anyway. That's fine, as long as there's a destination to work towards, followed by space to ground myself in home life again.
Speaking of my creative practice, last year was huge for me: I had my first solo exhibition, first grant awarded to support some work, first time applying for a residency (lots of work, didn't get it), a group exhibition of new work, and I entered an art prize (got shortlisted – hooray!). And while it's tempting to start sniffing around new pots of funding and exhibition opportunities, what I really need right now, is to produce less.
I told my daughter recently that it's impossible to run out of ideas. The pool of imagination is infinite, but material resources are not, and neither are our reserves of energy. Sprinkle on top of that the fact that opportunities to show and develop work are limited and in demand. The system always wants more from us and it's too easy to get caught on an endless production line.
But what if, in pausing, I lose the momentum I found in that year of firsts (and the years leading up to it)? Disrupting the flow state and descending into a creative slump is a real concern. After all, ideas are born from ideas. But then again, so what if that happens? I am a human artist. I do need to make art, but I also need to tend to my garden, repair our aging home, nurture family relationships, and go to work (the wage-paying kind). The last few years have taught me that whilst it is hard to start making art again after stopping, it will limp – maybe even jump! – back to life with some effort.
Can we pace ourselves and get comfortable in the part of the journey that we're on today? If we go back a step – no drama. If we leap forward two – enjoy the view and take a breath.
We all want to make this brief signal of consciousness a meaningful one, and the Growth Mindset is a useful tool, but it's capitalism that has us believe it should be our constant state of being. Let's find resistance and power in wallowing in our present state, gazing at the tiny plants and mosses at our feet.
